Meltdown

-- the funniest joke you can remember right now.

DO IT.

I have none, which is why I want to hear yours.

I have a few some of them are funny.
A doctor calls in a patient and says "I have bad and worse news.", the patient says "Whats the bad news?" The doctor replies "Your going to die in 24 hours." the patient shocked says "whats the worse news?" to which the doctor replies "I forgot to call you yesterday"

And
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

Sorry wall of text.

An old man goes to see the doctor and gets some tests. When the results come in, the doctor calls the old man in and says, “You'd better sit down. It's pretty bad.”

The old man, naturally, gets all nervous and asks, “What is it, Doc? Don't hold back -- just give it to me straight.”

“Well,” says the doctor, “you have cancer and you have Alzheimer's.”

The man replies, “Wow. Well, at least I don't have cancer.”

Wow, so far all of these cracked me up
Especially the first one, lol [s]I gotta remember that one[/s]. Probably won't, lol.

I found this one while lurking around for some good jokes, and I thought I'd share it with you:

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.


Keep up the jokes people

LOL!
I got one
So a city is about to flood everyone leaves but one guy, as the last boat leaves the one guy says "Im not going to leave with you, God will save me."
So the city floods and he on his roof and a helicopter comes by and the pilot asks if he needs a lift to safety, to which the guy replies "No, god will save me!" so eventually he drowns and when he goes to heaven he asks god "Why didn't you save me?" and God replies "What the hell, i sent you a boat and a helicopter what else do you want from me!?!"


and
A doctor says to a guy "Your going to have to stop masturbating!" The man replies "Why?" the doctor says "Because im trying to examine you!"

So a man has finally found a blonde girl who he likes and very much wants to have sex with. And since he doesn't want to be embarassed when they first do it, he goes out tanning on his apartment complex's roof. He falls asleep and when he wakes up five hours later, he is totally lobster red. So he covers up in lotions and other coloring agents to hide everything, but his penis simply won't stop hurting.
So he has to go through with his hot date the next day, and just before they are about to get busy, he excuses himself to go to the bathroom, but goes to the kitchen and gets a tall glass of milk. He puts his penis in the glass, and instantly feels the relief, and then the blonde walks into the kitchen and remarks, "Oh! So that's how you fill those things up!"

Tim's made me lol
Lets see.
A black guys walking down a beach and he finds a magic lamp, so he rubs it and a genie comes out.The genie tells him he has three wishes so the black guy says "I wanna be white,uptight and in the groove!" the genie goes POOF and turns him into a tampon.

Well well did you hear about the man who's whole left side fell off? Well he's all 'right' now!

One liner? What did the fish say when he hit the wall? DAM!

2 peanuts were walking in a bad neighborhood when one was 'assaulted'.

I don't get it.

Salted peanuts, lawl

Oh. Lol wow I'm slow

Vampire Rain.

HAHAHAHA, ha. Good one.

Ryder, who is that godess who resides in your avy?

Read my fuckin' mind.

(done by me)

ROB SHIENDER WAS JUST AN EVERY DAY DARK LORD OF CHAOS

UNTIL OONNEE DAY..HE GETS..A JOB!


AND HE'S ABOUT TO FIND OUT, THAT WORKING AT A JOB, ISN'T AS EASY AS IT SEEMS.


ROB SHIENDER IS: DARK LORD OF COOKING

Rated pg-13

(also done by me) =D

Whats got 200 teeth and holds back the hulk?
Mah zipper
Feel free to use that as a pick-up line

Misa Campo.

Videos Ryder? lol

I personally can't think of any, seeing as I'm not funny.

Amelia has one though.
"Where does Osama Bin Ladin Keep his Armies?
IN HIS SLEEVIES xDD
ANDAND ASO FROM AMELIA RYDER. THAT GIRL IS HOT >>"
And that was Amelia, reporting her Amelia...errr....ness. o.o;

I feel I am the only one that thinks that girl is average at best.

Not a good view of her face.

Someone got me with this one today.
"Shit dude, I just a record deal with Columbia"

"Shit, really?"

"Yeah, buy 10 get one free"

I don't get it.